I really didn’t want to post this before my birthday, or really that close to after my birthday…but I need to vent.

I’ve hit a slump.  I’m going to refer to it as a slump because I think depressed is the wrong word for it.  I’ve also been referring to it as “the blahs”.  And really, they suck!

It’s been this way for the last few weeks.  I was hoping my trip to Chicago/Milwaukee would help, and it did for a while.  But they are back and at full force.  What are the slumps you ask?  Well, let me tell you.

Lately, I’ve been feeling very “blah”.  I don’t want to put in the effort to do anything.  I don’t want to go out.  I don’t want to socialize.  I don’t want to bother.  I don’t care.  I have stopped trying with my friends because the energy it is taking me to keep up with them is too much.  I am physically present at work but have completely checked out mentally.  While someone might suggest that maybe I am depressed, I’m going to say no.  I say no because there are still times when I am happy; when I laugh and joke and generally am happy.

I am now reaching the point where it is more blah than happy.  Earlier this week, I was sitting at my parents’ house with my mom and sisters and they asked me what I had planned for my birthday.  My response: Nothing.  When they asked if I wanted to do anything, my response: I don’t care.  (For your knowledge, the “I don’t care”, “fine”, and “whatever” responses do not go over well with my family.  It never fails that someone accuses you of being crabby and wants to know what your problem is.)  Of course, my response elicited my newly engaged sister to snap, “What’s your problem.”  And that’s when the tears started.  I immediately apologized and told them that I didn’t mean to respond that way, I just don’t care.  I told them how I had been feeling and that I couldn’t help it.  This of course had my mom offering to make me dinner and a cake, to which I couldn’t give her any response other than “I don’t care”.

Needless to say, I was worried that my birthday would really not be a high point for me this year.  My mom took my brother, sister, soon to be Brother-in-law and I out to eat and my dad met us home later for cake.  I had a good time.  But my birthday really wasn’t that great.  Not only did I not get to see Paul (he can’t get down here until Monday because of work-totally acceptable), but NONE of my best friends so much as text messaged me yesterday.  BFE?  Nope.  College Roommate?  Nope.  Mr. VIP?  Definitely nope.  In all honesty, I didn’t really expect Mr. VIP to call.  And that’s ok.  I would’ve thought College Roommate would have at least shot me an email or a text message, but she obviously forgot.  BFE…. Well, if you had asked me on Monday if I thought she would remember I would’ve said no.  Boy, was I right!  Is it really too much to ask that your best friend sends you a “happy birthday” text message????  It wasn’t like I was asking her to buy me a gift or fly out here to see me (don’t even get me started on that).

I’m really at a loss for words.  I’m hoping this weekend I can get a good cleaning at my apartment and on my life.  Maybe a little bit of a cleaning will force me to think about some things and make a change.  There’s also a chance that something might progress with that job opportunity this weekend.  Maybe that will help.  Something has to!

As far as the friends go, I’m really undecided.  Part of me wants to send them all an email this weekend and simply tell them.  Tell them I feel like they have been shitty friends; that not once in the three years I have lived here they have made an effort to come visit.  Shitty friends because they couldn’t even remember my birthday.  (If you guys recall, I flew out to Chicago to celebrate BFE and CR’s birthdays.  I flew out at a time they knew was really bad for me for work and financially.  But I did it.)  And the other half of me wants to just forget it.  To wait it out until one of them decided to email/text/call to check up on me.  And most of me just doesn’t give a shit anymore.

So I’ll keep you updated, but just know that the reason I have been avoiding the blog lately is because who wants to read what I write when I am feeling like this.

Here’s to starting my trip into the 2nd quarter of my life!

I do blame my week of vacation that I just returned from last Thursday.  Still… much news.  So as I am swamped at work, a bulleted post (sorry).

- First things first…. My sister (#2) and her boyfriend of almost 4 years got engaged a week and a half ago.  Needless to say, it is all wedding, all the time in my apartment.  Wedding is set for October 2009 after she graduated from grad school.

- There was some unexpected news about my job search while I was in Chicago on my vacation.  Turns out a woman I met with that was going to help my find something had a job at her company.  She didn’t want to offer it to me though because she was under the impression that I was moving to Baltimore.  Long story short, I’m still waiting to hear back from her after I explained that I am NOT moving to Baltimore.  This job would be a definite step in the direction I WANT to be heading.

- Moving with PV has come to a standstill for now.  Our lease is up Sept. 11th and his is up in August so we need to act fast.  However, PV wants to wait to see what happens with this job before we decide where in between us we will be living.

- Oh, and my birthday is Thursday.

You should also visit Eileen and tell her that a trip to DC is much better than a trip to Chicago!!!

- Independence Day… Hello?!?!  Fireworks!  July 4th is my favorite holiday!

- 31 days available for BBQs and pool time (you know how much I like BBQs)

- you can finally stop worrying about that weird spring weather!  Bring on the Heat!!!

- My birthday is in July.  ’nuff said. :)  To be celebrated (internally at least) every day of the month as I am reaching the age that’s much closer to 3-0 than I am ready for.

I’m just saying….

Wow… I cannot believe it has been two years since I first started this blog. It certainly has come along way.

It changed color, design and layout. It gave support to the College shootings across the country. It touts my dog’s ever constant entertainment value. It moved addresses. It almost went private.

I’ve meet great blogging friends… and great real life friends from this blog. And I couldn’t be more grateful.

Happy Two Years Blog! It’s been a bumpy ride, but I’ve loved it.

Sorry, for making the next post private… I’m still feeling out what I want this blog to become.  I’m not really gaining much readership and that’s fine with me because I like the people that are reading it currently. 

I decided I wanted to post a picture or two of PV and I.  Because of that, I’m going to make the post private.  If you want the password, email me. 

1. I left him sleeping in my bed yesterday when I headed to work.  When I got home last night I noticed he made the bed…and it looked better than how I usually make it.

2. The following text message after landing from his flight into Chicago:

“Holy Shit.  I think Luke Skywalker up there turned off the targeting computer and was using the force,  I’ve made smoother flights in Air Combat 6 on my old x-box.”

I want THIS for my birthday… (or something really similar)…

My thoughts are that I want a new digital camera and I would like one that takes really great pictures.  Really great pictures!  It’s less important that it’s tiny so it fits in my tiny purse for nights out.  Because let’s be honest, there aren’t many nights out.  It’s more important that I have fantastically wonderful pictures of my dog and the man that sometimes walks my dog.  Otherwise known as my “nuclear family”.

Mom, are you reading this???